March 26, 1997 Wednesday
Tonight I was told by Mom that Hoke was mad at me. Mrs. Simmonds had told her. While I wasn’t was completely shocked, I was taken aback by the hard reality. Hoke, I now know, had the intention of asking Sidney last Monday morning. In fact, he was waiting in English class before first hour to do it–as I was unknowingly asking her in the hallway. He believes (and this is all secondhand knowledge) that the reason we both went together to school early last Monday, wasn’t to check off old Accounting papers, as I told him at the time. He thought (thinks) it was solely to get the drop on him and ask her first.
If you think about it, that doesn’t make a lot of sense. We went to school together, he and I. Hoke also believes I knew he wanted to take Sidney, and so wanted to beat him to it (or something like that). But as I said a few days ago in an entry he didn’t bring it up over the weekend.
I can’t put into words how I felt when I heard all of this. But I must try, or what’s the point here of this. I was confused, and wondered how much he was right, and I was right. And very sorry to see such a tangle occur. I realized suddenly this was going to be an uphill climb to prove anything to Hoke. There’s no evidence for these kinds of things. All during baseball practice over in Brimfield I could only think of one thing–what I could do to straighten everything out. There has to be a way … right? I have now been preoccupied by this for a long time (if you go back to Sidney’s letter).
When I got home I tried to call Hoke a few times. He was at work, so I asked for him to call me when he got home.
When he finally did call I chose my words the best I could. I told him I hadn’t meant to do any of those things. I couldn’t stress enough that I really did have to check off homework Monday morning, but he didn’t believe me. Hoke didn’t sound mad when he talked to me, but it was pretty obvious he didn’t walk to talk about it. I summed it up by saying, “All I want is to go to prom and have fun with my two best friends.”
Hopefully this will all be cleared up and seen for the muddled, miscommunicated mess it really is. I feel very bad about all of this, and can see that however innocent, I am the catalyst. And I’m very sorry for it.
Doing my best to steady the ship,